I’m still up… thinking.
23 03 2007I want to call someone but there’s no one to call at this hour.
Honesty for you: today was the first time I cried in two months. Yes, two months- and not over me, but over the state of.. well.. a lot of things. I saw a child curled up in an alley while I sat ‘comfortable’ on my back porch. We need some reality checks. Majorly. More so, wake up from our violent slumber. Sigh. My heart is torn.
The moon was orange tonight. I was out driving until 12:30. It was warm enough for the windows to be rolled down.
I’m seeing the “big picture” - and I have been for awhlie - now, I’m trying to figure out what in the world I am to do about it. If it’s on my heart this heavily, I can’t just sit with it. I’m trying to figure out what action I need to take first… and soon. I know it’s easy to get overwhelmed when you think about everything all at once. I picture a huge train wreckage on the tracks and me, standing there, not knowing where to begin. I have passions- so many- and gifts/talents and such, so what do I do? Where do I begin? What in the world am I called to do? If I allowed myself to get truly overwhelmed with this train wreck I see, I’ll just be someone in shock on the sidelines. I’ll be completely ineffective, and that’s the last thing I want.
So here I am, rambling at 1:41am, Thursday night (or more realistically, Friday morning) window cracked and a breeze of 57 degrees gently sweeping through nipping my cold toes. Brr. Hmm, hmmm, hmm. Here I am, Lord. Here I am… Here I am.
That’s all.
You’re right Lauren, you’re absolutely right. Sometimes I look at the worldliness at my school as a whole and I think, “There’s just no way that I can make a difference here, where am I gonna start?” The place to start is with the people right next to you! What to do? Should I immediately evangelize them and tell them about Jesus? For me, that’s not gonna work. See, these people have heard all their lives about Jesus, but have rarely, if ever, seen Him active in the lives of the people telling them about Him. Obviously if they don’t see Him acting, they are going to discredit the claims of the differences made in the evangelist’s life. So, what am I to do? I just love them. That’s all I do, love them. I go to the ones who will accept, and dust my feet off from those who do not accept. Will I still show them love? Yes.
Did not know my response was gonna be this long, if anything doesn’t make sense (or is blasphemous) please say so.
Brother in Arms
Jack
Salaam-Peace