Elle Effect Photography

Disclaimer: This post contains brutal honesty that you may or may not want to take the time to read.

I’ve been spending most of my days alone. At home, errands, taking a walk, sitting on the porch and yesterday, horseback riding. It’s been… a change. I have the occasional close friend, but no one really takes the time to get close to me. I’ve had to just, stop. In good ways and very hard ways. I had to turn down going on tour for the fourth year with 4th Wall… just because everything was too much. It all hit me at once and hit hard.

I’ve been running fast and hard and abruptly stopped without slowing down to a jog first. I still don’t know how to take it.

I have a job available at Delia’s. Not really wanting to work retail again, it just gets under my skin. But, if I have to, I have to.

I decided not to begin school this month (beginning in 2 weeks). Why the rush? So, I’m taking the summer off. Traveling and taking time to truly rest. I’ll be beginning in the fall like other normal students. Ha.

Back to spending time alone… I’m wanting to just sit with a close friend quietly, and my close friends are, well, busy working and doing. It feels weird. I’m usually running right alongside them. But, I know without a doubt that this is good for me. Sort things out, work things out, etc. I just didn’t have someone to call to come sit with me on the porch swing last night when it was pouring the rain in a thunderstorm. Thunderstorms are beautiful, but… not so much alone. At least not this time.

I’ve been trying to find God. He seems to be playing hide and seek with me… a ridiculous concept, but it seems to be that way.

Have you ever followed the weather in your heart? Such as, it’s been extremely hot and humid for so long and all the sudden, it pours the rain just for a night and leaves it cooler. It breaks through the humidity and all. It’s been so, so hot, humid and uncomfortable in my heart for the past few weeks wrestling and on Sunday, I got a downpour… just for a night.

Anyway.

I’m not sure where God is taking me. I know I’m going to school in the fall via internet. I know I plan on traveling - but where is a good question. My brother and sister are going on tour (the tour I was going on) next Sunday and I’m here. Here doing what? I’m planning on going to Nashville to see Andrew’s show Tuesday night the 12th. Come and see me. Make me glad. I’m going to my favorite place the last week of this month… Shrine Mont… ah, Shrine Mont. Everyone should experience it. I’m starting a new painting that week in Creatives (only few know what I mean, I’ll leave it at that). I’m going to run in the rain. Go skinny dipping in the lake at three in the morning. I’ll be jamming with some of the most talented musicians and friends of mine from all of the US in the field, at the pavilion, in Chilton, on screened in porches and in art hall. We practically walk around with our instruments (minus the piano, of course). I’ll be walking to the top of a mountain 6 miles to see 4 states all at once. I’ll wake up early to sit in the field stone made cathedral when the fog still lingers and get the edges of my journal wet in the dew filled air. Meet with God. You know. I’ll be challenged and healed. Shrine Mont, come soon, my love.

July. Who knows what July holds. Something adventurous, I’m sure. Nothing less, I hope.

Hello, summer?

…I need it to rain again. But I need someone to call to come over this time.

-lauren

ps: thanks for baring with me if you’ve made it this far. bless you, bless you, bless you. ha.