Elle Effect Photography

I believe I’m going to have to start a series of posts to completely debrief the past few weeks of what I have soaked in and how I have changed. Hopefully, it will add some kind of revelation to your life in some way. It sure changed mine.

I’m not sure where to begin. Hm - I’ll start with this past Tuesday night. Last week I had the privilege of getting to know a beautiful woman, Ellen Stamps. She’s a dutch woman, among many other things, and by God’s direction ended up spending 9 years working alongside Corrie Ten Boom. If you don’t know who Corrie Ten Boom is, pick up The Hiding Place. What an incredible woman. Anyway, by the end of the week, she and I were on the terms of, “my Lauren” and “my Ellen”. [add dutch accent]

On Tuesday, this woman showed me how to love. She displayed it so simply and so beautifully. After the evening talk on the night of silence (where the whole camp is silent to listen, pray and write letters to God), we talked for almost an hour. (Yes, we talked on the night of silence, but didn’t God heal on the sabbath?) Anyway, I wasn’t even expecting to talk with her like this.

After chit chatting about where we’re from, who we are and such - she looked me in the eye and asked me this question:

“Who does God want you to be?“

Who does God want me to be?? So much I have talked about being instead of doing, but this time, it really sunk in. So many times you’re asked, “What does God want you to do?” We’re all so stuck on this “doing” thing - that we haven’t found out who God wants us to be. What if everything you did was taken away? Where would your identity be then? Who would you be? This has strongly struck home for me because I’m there right now. Everything certain has been taken away and I’m left with… just me and God.

I’m not talking about our identity in Christ or anything, I’m talking about something maybe even deeper. I honestly can’t answer the question with words - it’s something you can only find out to live out. And at this point, I’m finding it. I don’t expect it to come overnight, it’s going to take so much time that…. I changed the “plan” of this coming year.

My decision, realistically, honestly doesn’t make sense. I had a plan. It was comfortable. It was logical. It was… good. I mean, what’s better than going to art school online, traveling around and taking photos everywhere, right? Well, I guess there’s something better.

I’ve never known so strong in me that I wasn’t supposed to do something. I had been waiting for an answer… waiting.. and waiting.. and waiting - and finally, I just had to make a decision. I’ve stuck with that decision, and it was a good decision. But in my heart, I felt something missing - but I had no idea what it was… and still don’t.

I don’t know where I’m going to be next year. I don’t know who I’m going to meet. What job I’ll have, if any. If I’ll end up going to school somewhere. If I’ll take a year off. Where I’ll travel. Everything is up in the air - and I’ve never been happier.

Why take the joy out of life and make it so certain? Maybe I missed the uncertainty, maybe I missed having to fully trust God, maybe I just needed to fully trust God again… all I know is that there’s something even better for me.

Trust me, it’s weird coming home from your favorite place and your favorite people to… well, nothing. Nothing is expected of you, no job to need you back, no school to start in the fall, no place to go, money is needed but you’re unsure of where to work. Naturally, it would seem absolutely horrible, but it’s not.

Ellen triggered this in my heart and she didn’t even know it. Much more was said, much, much more.

See, my dear friend, Jessie, will be in Nicaragua for 5 weeks. She left this morning. A lot is uncertain and she couldn’t be happier. Keep her in your prayers.

I went to camp this year expecting and anticipating something and I got something different, but better. Everything I received was in a small package just for me - not some big, “wow” night that it seems a lot of us are looking for. I truly learned to find God in the small things.. in the unexpected places.

There was a man who sat by me every single evening talk. He’s almost 8 feet tall and disproportioned - his head is bigger than his body. But… he has the most beautiful smile. One night, we all stood up and held hands for prayer. He was hesitant to hold hands with anyone, so I made sure to take his hand and let him know it was okay. His hand engulfed mine. He looked at me and smiled so big - and I smiled the biggest I could right back. It was a cool moment. The last day, he came up to me and said, “I don’t think you know what it meant to me when you took my hand and smiled at me so beautifully like you did. Some have told me I have a beautiful smile, but you… you have the most beautiful smile.” He teared up and so did I. I had no idea.

I found another small package when it would storm hard every single day at 3:30-4 o’clock right before prayer group… and we would have to run with towels and umbrellas over our heads through the camp. We would get caught different places and end up exactly where God wanted us to be… haha.

…and when you’re late for creatives (which, by the way, we had creative art, music, drama, journaling and writing) you make your own creative. Tommy and I did that so many times. We would dodge into Chilton and pick up guitars and swap to the piano when we wanted. Those were the most amazing times. Every time we play music together, we end up writing these crazy songs that we can never remember. I’ve never in my life flowed with someone like that. Songs would literally last for an hour straight.

Well, I’ll save the rest for the next part of this “series” so to speak - of just - learning how to be. There’s much more to be said, I’ve only opened part of the beginning of it.

TO SEE CANDID PHOTOS FROM CAMP GO TO MY ALBUMS:

Shrine Mont CFO Part 1

Shrine Mont CFO Part 2

love.

-lauren