perhaps some consistency?
15 03 2008“A day is a day and a minute is a minute. And maybe, it is only our relations with the people we care about that actually affects how we perceive time’s passage: ‘Being with you and not being with you is the only way I have to measure time.’”
-Jorge Luis Borges [author]
It’s good when a friend passes on wisdom to you… in this case, it was passed to me in an H&M magazine, surprisingly. I think it’s something we all need to hear. Us - the workaholics, the lonely, the wanderers; when it’s easier to just keep to yourself and close others out because of the lack of experiencing life with others… and the aching it brings. It’s not easy continually playing “catch up” instead of having something consistent.
I’ve looked through tons and tons of old photos recently. I’ve been cleaning out things and rearranging a bit - preparing for whatever may be ahead. I remember looking back at the people who were so constant in my life and no longer are. And how it made me… ache. A falling out, change of location, or simply life taking us on different paths. I remember the people I shared my heart and soul with, and how I feel like they carry that part of my life with them. I remember. Right now, I’m just trying to find my place. I haven’t found it yet. Maybe I’m just naturally awkward and trick people into thinking I’m cooler than I am. Ha. I just miss community. Having a place where I feel. Yes, simply feel. Feel alive, whole, etc.
Don’t get me wrong, I find community and encouragement in so many places - it’s just never consistent. And because my life is continually inconsistent, I need some consistency.
My mind is tired from alllll the decisions I had to make this week… and on my own. There’s a reason for everything, a season for everything under the sun… here comes another season.
[bracing]
-lauren
-lauren
Ha. Ditto on that. Except sometimes, I’m not too good at the tricking part.
Maybe at this point in our life, we’re doomed to never get that consistency back…. until we create that place ourselves. For me, that place used to be home, but now even home doesn’t feel like that anymore. Sure, just like you, I do find that feeling here and there, but not the consistency. Perhaps it’ll never be consistent until we make our own family and make our own idea of home. Maybe even then, it’s not truly consistent. Maybe home is found in the journey to find home, not in whatever destination we end up in. I dunno, just some random thoughtful mutterings from me.
i feel the same, too.
I am the same my sister.